Why Self-Confidence Is Everything In Dating

Self-confidence is everything if you want to have a successful dating and love life.

There’s just no way around it.

When you think poorly of yourself, it shows. You aren’t fooling anyone. Men absolutely love a confident woman, and women find a confident man very sexy. It actually rates to be number one in terms of attractive qualities on most people’s ‘list’ of what they look for in their ideal partner.

As a Dating Coach, I work with so many people in this area of their life, both men, and women, and I find that it holds so many people back from having the success in dating, or in attracting the partner and type of relationship that they want. Typically, you are  your own worst critic, and do not even realize the self-sabotage that you do to yourself  sometimes.  I’m here to give you a reality check today: until you can truly love yourself  and start seeing yourself in a new and positive light, everything else is going to be pretty damned difficult when it comes to dating.

Let’s put it this way:

If you think you are boring, will you ever want to converse with someone on a date?

Will you ever have the guts to flirt?

If you do not think you have any style or are unhappy with your image, will you want to go out often, and be seen by attractive and polished people? Will you get approached by them over someone who doesn’t have those insecurities?

If you don’t think you have what it takes to find love, will a super confident person be drawn to have you in their lives as their partner?

The amount of confidence you feel in any situation tells a story about your past success.

If you approach dating with a negative story playing continuously in your head (I suck at this, he’s going to be bored, I’m not as pretty as the women he usually dates, I wish I had more experience), you’re more likely to have a negative experience and the person you are on that date with will feel that energy, and let me tell you what it will scream: insecurity, neediness, lack of confidence, desperate, etc.

Good news! You can fake it until you make it – truly act as if you are confident (at least until you can build up the authentic stuff). What I really mean here is act like the version of yourself that you would like to be, and keep ‘acting’ like that person until it simply becomes comfortable to you – until you are comfortable in your own skin. So technically, you aren’t really faking it, you are simply practicing it!

Fact: If you are confident, people will treat you as though you are.

Your level of confidence enhances your performance in every area of your life, and I stress prioritizing and improving this area regardless if you are a new dater, just getting back in the game after having not done it in a while, or even as a refresher if you are continuously dating.

1) Do more things that make you feel good about yourself.

Think about what makes you feel happy and confident, and do more of that. Sometimes we lack confidence due to our surroundings, or the way we spend our day-to-days: drowning in negativity, hating our jobs, or being surrounded by people who just don’t enhance our lives in any way (you know, those bitter single friends you have who hate dating and want you to as well). You are what you do in a day. You are who you spend most of your time with. If you love to dance, dance more! Who cares if you are dancing by yourself? If you love laughing, call that funny-ass friend you have and have a conversation with them before your date to ease those nerves. Walk into life every day feeling positive, because good vibes lead to you being a happier person, and when you are happy, people see you as confident.

2) Improve your image

I am a strong believer of when you look good, you feel good. Do what it takes to make yourself feel good about how you look. Is your hair outdated? Ask yourself when was the last time you bought a cute or stylish outfit for yourself?Or, put on make-up? Is it your bodily image that bothers you, if so, start doing things to improve that (even taking a step towards that goal will make you feel productive and happy). And in general, how do you leave your house looking every day? (You damned straight I asked that, because I don’t want you to ever let yourself go).

This is important because many of us want someone who is attractive, takes care of themselves in a certain way, etc. yet not too many people stay true to those standards themselves. Bring to the table what you want in someone else, period.

If you aren’t impressed with yourself, then why would anyone else be? I’m sorry if that sounds harsh, but I am that Dating Coach that simply tells it like it is.

There are much more things you can do to improve your confidence, but start with these two and you will certainly see improvements in your dating life, levels of happiness, and how you are feeling about yourself. For more tips, or to get some insight on how you can improve your dating life, contact me at hello@coachchante.com for a free mini-session, and I’d be thrilled to help you out!

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