There is nothing more attractive than a powerful woman, except when she loses the power of her femininity and the allure of a power couple becomes a power struggle.
There is a certain balance required in a relationship that keeps the harmony between yin and yang. This balance refers to masculinity and femininity. Both of these energies are equally important in the relationship and one depends on the other (the more masculine the male, the more feminine the female needs to be, and vice versa). This is what makes us want, as well as need one another in a relationship.
The emergence of female power and respect occurred after women burned their bras, learned to lower the pitch of their voices and refused to wear makeup. They surrendered all things feminine to prove they were equal to their male counterpart. Prior to that time period (known as the Women’s Movement), roles were clearly defined. Men were bread winners and women were homemakers. Men were hunters, women were gatherers. These roles were innately decided based on a woman’s natural instinct to nurture and a man’s natural instinct to provide.
For the first time in human existence, women have now achieved equal power, respect and rights. They have the opportunity to hunt and gather, be the breadwinner and homemaker, provide and nurture. They are completely independent. And although they don’t need to have a relationship with a man for the reasons they used to, most women still want to have a relationship with a man.
Most men, on the other hand, still need to feel needed. They want to feel like a man by having the opportunity to provide for his woman, protect her, care for her, cherish her and love her. In a modern woman’s life, it is hard for a man to feel that sense of being needed.
And so, most men need and want a woman. Most women don’t need but they want a man. A man needs to feel needed to give a woman what she wants. Therefore, a woman needs to make her man feel needed to get what she wants.
So how do you balance that yin and yang in your relationship?
Embrace your feminine or masculine energy based on your gender. Learn to provide for as well as receive from one another and show appreciation when that effort has been made.
Realize your true power is not about being equal in every way to that of your partner, rather it is what you can provide him or her, which he or she cannot provide for themselves. This is what creates balanced and harmonious relationships.
As much as a man should harness his masculinity by being a gentleman and acting chivalrously, a woman needs to embrace her feminine elegance and grace and know that by doing so, it will make her even more powerful and successful in the boardroom, as well as in the bedroom!
Although this article has some great points, it would have been nice if the facts on the women’s movement were correct. The article would have been more powerful.
In my humble opinion, the complexity of the interplay between a man and woman in a “full on” relationship is such that an analyst/therapist with 3 Phd’s on the topic would only be able to make broad- based generalizations and draw conclusions in answer to specific questions, the most important of which- what do you like?(in a partner)
Excellent article. The author did stray into the overgeneralized statement zones once or twice, but the overall message is rock solid.
The angry comments of the female readers above only magnify their own inabilities to achieve balance in their lives. What feminist culture has evolved into today is really quite appalling, and the “omg are we back in the 50s” argument is getting really old.
I especially liked the one comment with the woman complaining about how she shouldn’t be typecast into a “feminine” role if she doesn’t want it. I wonder if she’d give the man in her life (in the doubtful instance that she has one) the same flexibility when it comes to his masculinity.
Don’t be surprised when you end up married to a beta male that you can dominate emotionally but end up despising for the very same characteristics that let you dominate him in the first place. You deserve it.
That might be the worst article I have ever read in my life, or it was written by a man in the 1950s. I could only wish the author was being satirical.
i agree. this is an awful article. there are so many things incorrect statements in this article, what the heck is a “relationship strategist”?
My family members every time say that I am killing my time here at net, but I know I am getting experience all the time by reading thes pleasant articles.
WOW! Reading through the varied responses this article Syra posted – I find it fascinating the “backlash” some women have about their own birthright of being a feminine woman!
I’m a relationship coach as well and when I first staring coaching it was primarily women executives – really awesome, powerful, savy, successful women. The curious thing was that under all the “bravo” was a longing for a more of their true feminine nature – nurturing, slower paced, creative, relaxed. I became very curious about this as it kept coming up over and over.
Bottomline The male/masculine orientation rises to challenges, whilst the female/feminine flourishes via nurturing.
I was into karate and the Sensei knew this inherent nature of both energies. He encourages the girls and spurs on the boys.
This is not NEW info but has been known “forever’.
This is not about “losing” any ground that the much needed feminist movement brought forth – but the energy is much like a pendulum – it swung WAY out to the extreme and now is settling back into a more natural motion and range. A new model based on collaboration, respect and honour the value and ‘gifts’ each bring.
Within each of us – We have both masculine and feminine energy, capacities but we can only claim one primary orientation – one is not BETTER than the other – just different. both are required in a person and BOTH are required in a relationship with each partner playing one leading role – and they CAN switch up to form a co-lead model.
Too any women have dys’d their feminine nature and all at the same time – think that being more aggressive under the guise of ‘assertive’ will get them someplace in a relationship long term . It won’t. They will not be truly happy or fulfilled. I see this all the time – these ARE the “powerful’ women I work with.
There is another way …honoring both for their giflts, talents. It is a NEW definition of POWERFUL and FEMININE.
Before the readership starts bashing this “new” information remember ” Condemnation without investigation is Ignonance”. There is no wisdom there. Stay open.
BEST,
julie Ward
As a man, your article makes perfect sense. Thank you for such a well written explanation that so many women either cannot understand, or will not accept. Loved it.
This article hits the hammer on the head. And those women who left aggressive comments (above) are the exact type of women who need to read this article/column and take the honest advice being given.
I am a professional, a wife and a mother. I know which hat I need to wear when. This is an art not many women can manage or understand. This could be the reason they only have one or the other, but don’t have it all.
Interesting read. I wish I could see this article in more than one way, but to be honest my mind continues to return to the idea that I, as a woman, need to be feminine, dainty, and *be a very certain way* in order to have a successful relationship. And what if that is not who I am, deep down? What if I am not dainty in any way, not delicate and soft like your article suggests I should be because my sex is female — what then? Am I destined for miserable relationships or perpetual singlehood?
Ideas such as those you propose in this article are the reason why so many people have deep insecurities, anguish, and complexities with who they are and why some people struggle to accept themselves. I am astonished that as someone who works with people, you would espouse such views and choose to market them publicly. But that is your choice. I only hope your readership consists of people who do not feel diminished by your opinion.
Is it such a far fetched idea to suggest that the strongest relationshps are founded on compatibility and mutual traits/values, rather than dictating what those values ‘should’ be or ‘are’? What I walk away with as I make my way away from your page, is that I will put stock in my hope for human diversity and the knowledge that I am capable of so much more in a partnership than a boxed-in version of a human being, and the gratitude that I believe I am not alone in this and will find a partner who is capable of reciprocating.
I wish you the best, and I hope you come to reconsider or at least give credence to some of your readers’ comments whose views challenge yours.
Wow! An interesting read indeed. I appreciate this unique perspective. This article has made for some good conversation among friends lately (online and offline)!
I can see the contents of the article have some people very fired up! Awesome! Let’s not lose sight of a key, universal message that applies to everyone – balance in our personal life and in our relationships is essential to health, success and longevity. This article suggests an interesting way of accomplishing it. I don’t think everyone might subscribe to this approach but I can clearly see its strengths.
Can’t wait to read the next article! Keep em’ coming, Syra!
When put into the larger context and taking in the essence of what the author is trying to say – balance IS the most important aspect of ones life.
I think the argument here is slightly misunderstood. The crux of the entire article rests on the bolded line to quote:
“Realize your true power is not about being equal in every way to that of your partner, rather it is what you can provide him or her, which he or she cannot provide for themselves”
There is nothing overstated or understated about this – To keep it simple, in any relationship you gain something and you lose something. Whatever it may be, be it independence or the right to polygamy – or something as simple as making your bed in the morning cause it annoys the other person is in some way – you choose to give up certain aspects of your life and you gain a whole new set which works for the both of you. They say its a give-and-take for a reason. The statement should also read “… and for them to provide to you what you cannot provide for your self”
I believe where the article faults is in generalized statements that are easy to attack in isolation for example:
“Both of these energies are equally important in the relationship and one depends on the other (the more masculine the male, the more feminine the female needs to be, and vice versa).” – Its not quite so black and white – and it takes away from the essence of the article which simply put is about balance in any relationship be it a heterosexual or a homosexual one. In fact balance is required in any healthy relationship be it platonic or non-platonic.
It is easy to attack isolated statements, I for one do not agree with the concluding sentence as it takes away from the main point of the article – “In conclusion, most men need and want a woman. Most women don’t need but they want a man. A man needs to feel needed to give a woman what she wants. Therefore, a woman needs to make her man feel needed to get what she wants”
In reality the balance between masculinity and femininity is apparent in any relationship – but the degree to which it affects the couple is based on personal preferences and desires that may be derived on a sociological level, a physical level and even a psychological level. Some men end up with women with similar traits and characteristics of their mother, some don’t. Some women who have grown up with five brothers can naturally be attracted to more alpha males, on the other hand had her childhood experiences been negative she may desire the opposite and assert her self as the alpha in the relationship. Some relationships don’t even have an alpha or dominant partner.
I think we’ve come to a point in time where our understanding of the human behaviour has allowed us to understand one in another in a more liberal sense (The western world at least) – this is largely if not solely due to the fact that we’ve become significantly more educated and more exposed to different cultures. As someone pointed out – women in Afghanistan are second rate citizens – that may be true but doesn’t apply to this article as the target audience is clearly an educated western society.
I hope i’ve managed to keep it in the same context.
Cheerio!
I can sense a very distinct hostility in the comments of my fellow readers. This particular topic is controversial and reactions are sure to vary from one reader to the next, however, I think that the defensive and aggressive comments that precede mine are highly unnecessary.
I believe that what SYRA (not Sarah – ahem SB….) is trying to say is that balance is essential in all relationships, wherever YOU find balance in your relationship is a personal matter. She is in no way saying that women should be submissive or subservient to men to make them feel special or more manly. Nor did she say that the fight for women’s rights could be laid to rest. She is saying that making someone, ANYONE, feel needed in your life is a compliment and is something that we all too often discredit because we, as a society, are too afraid of the level of vulnerability we must allow to admit that we NEED anyone.
Do you not feel some form of accomplish, pride or satisfaction when you know that your partner NEEDS you? As women we have become so self sufficient we have forgotten how to allow others to take care of us, appreciate us, and HELP US!
She states, and I too quote – “the more masculine the male, the more feminine the female needs to be, and vice versa” . Telling women as a whole to embrace their femininity and find power within themselves is not something to be up in arms about. She could argue that even within homosexual relationships there are very distinct divisions of the masculine and feminine roles in a relationship. Have you never heard the term “twink and bear”?
A man in a relationship may represent more feminine energy like a stay at home dad embodies the energy of a care giver or nurturer; in that circumstance however, their mate (a woman or another man) would most likely possess and represent a more masculine “provider” energy. That is how BALANCE is created in a relationship.
As a modern, professional, educated women I want to applaud Syra for being courageous enough to touch on this topic. I’m sure she was aware there would be some negative feedback.
I, personally, have a great job and beautiful family that I have worked very hard for. I am proud of my accomplishments but , the reality is that I still want to feel like my husband can take care of me, I want to know that he is a strong and assertive man, a protector for myself and my children, and that I can depend on him as a provider for our family. I still want to be treated like a lady and have him open doors, romance me and embrace my feminine powers. It is with respect for each other’s differences that we make relationships work.
Your article has so many faults within it and I now plan to quote you where and why.
“These roles were innately decided based on a woman’s natural instinct to nurture and a man’s natural instinct to provide.”
– This is an extremely essentialist perspective that is very inaccurate. This is why women were treated like sh&t and not given the respect they deserve- because people actually believe these are INNATE qualities when there has been so many examples showing the opposite.
“For the first time in human existence, women have now achieved equal power, respect and rights”
– are you arguing that we are in a post-feminist state? Women in Afghanistan were just made official second class citizens, women still get paid less than men, women still have to lie about wanting to raise a family when going to apply to a job because employers aren’t happy with maternity leave.
Your entire article is based on heterosexual relationships. Why? Do you never help gay couples? These gender binaries are ridiculous! How can you expect women to ever be taken seriously?
“Embrace your feminine or masculine energy based on your gender.”
– Why can’t or shouldn’t I embrace the other energy? Why is the only solution to continue with these binaries? Why aren’t suggesting that couples understand EACHOTHER’s energies, whether they decide that to be masc or fem, not have to conform to society.
If I’m a straight female who’s fairly masculine, THAT IS OKAY. I’m not going to find someone who wants femme women and complain, because then I would be reading your article for advice. You should find a partner who loves your own unique balance of the two.
Yes! Finally someone who makes sense! Thanks Reut. Sarah, take note and please be very diligent in your practice. Its scary to think you use this philosophy to help people.
You are an idiot. Yea someone had to say it.
Also, I’d like to add, a real man doesn’t need this kind of propping up by a woman. I think that idea is insulting to men everywhere.
Seriously?? I can’t believe I just read this. I do not exist to make sure that a man gets to feel needed or not. It’s a ridiculous antiquated notion. The problem as I see it is that women have done all the changing. Women now get to all sorts of stuff they never could before and no, they don’t need men they way they used to. But what you’re saying is that men haven’t evolved at all and now women still have to behave with some femininity in order to save the poor guy’s feelings. Look. We’re all human beings and we’re all going to match for one reason or another. It’s why I prefer to look at relationships as a partnership. The “Yin and Yang” can be decided on a per case basis, not on who’s “feminine” or “masculine.” What year is this????
I totally agree! This is a very common trend in society today, traditional roles are no longer the norm. I personally have had many debates on this topic over the years and I believe this was a true explanation of how gender roles have been compromised. We need to adapt to a degree of considerable amounts of flexibility in our given gender roles we choose to follow. Boundaries may be crossed however our hearts still beat with the same deep emotional intensity as past generations have felt before. In the end love is love & will always continue to be. <3 TBC
In my opinion Men spend their lives making women independent then chase the young ones because. they are yet to get that way.They then make them that way. I don’t know a woman who didn’t want to rely on a man to look after her and be her strength. After the age of thirty, I don’t know one who thinks a man can or even want to do anything that is not about him. That’s what men think women are for and the truth is in front of us all. No I’m not a man hater I actually feel sad on the hole lost issue of love, gentleness and sharing.
When the so called roles overlap is there any room to move?The danger in defining a role means getting typecast with inevitable frustration developing.I get confused when we get assigned traits such as “nurturing is a feminine thing”.Men don’t have to be alpha to be powerful.So you can see I’m giving even weight to all possibilities,forget gender.Where does that leave us?Partners work it out.We both work.It used to be that we had an unspoken agreement : I looked after the outside and she took care of the inside.Now,she likes to mow the lawns and chop the wood too.This is where I meet the article.I could feel she is competing,that she is blurring the lines of our relationship,( I did reflect initially on this),but rather than feel threatened I’m thinking that this is who she is.She’s not really taking anything away from me. She’s empowering me to explore new directions.The day it will start to all fall apart will be the day she overlooks me and vice versa.
The article has its ups and downs, overly generalized but still points out a big issue in our lives. Judging be how women were treated in the past, it shows that there will always be room for progression and elevation especially if the woman is being put down. So I agree that its natural that a woman nowadays is easily a provider and a nurture. For men however I believe we havent evolved that much, except in accepting how women evolved and basically dealing with that.
But the question of masculaine and feminine energy I feel isnt very necessary. Man or woman, no matter how successful you are, you will always need someone. If you cant admit that to yourself and actually go with it and enjoy your partner throught that then you have a problem. Why shift my masculanity? Balance is a natural occurance in any relationship, you go in and slowly adapt to the other person. I think its a question of ego, let go of your ego and you will enjoy your relationship