Many men write in to ask me about how to get their partners to have sex with them more. It can be hard to know exactly why your partner might be less interested in sex than she once was. Sometimes these things just happen in relationships and over time the heat begins to fizzle out.
However, there are some things that you might be doing that are flat out turning her off from sex. In the beginning she may have overlooked these things, but now they just get under her skin and make her want to avoid the bedroom.
How do you know if you’re committing one of these fatal sex mistakes? Consult my list to see if you might be guilty of one or two… then change your game quickly!
1. You’re giving only to receive – The sign of a truly good lover is one that gives to his partner because he truly enjoys getting her off, not because he’s waiting for his own payoff. He probably even gets off just on giving her pleasure.
2. You’re receiving and forgetting to give back – If you’re lucky enough to have a partner who gives without expecting anything in return, make sure you always give back anyway. It’s great to be able to pamper one another and put all the attention on one of you once in a while, but unless she specifically tells you, “no, tonight is just about pleasing you,” you should plan to reciprocate.
3. You stick with the tried and true – You’re so worried about doing something she won’t like that you stick with the same boring, old routine every time. I hate to break it to you, but the routine can be just as disappointing as trying something new that doesn’t go off well. Give something new a try and then check with her afterward to see if she was into it. She will at least be please with the effort.
4. Any bit of affection is a precursor for sex – Your partner knows when you kiss her passionately, flirt with her, cuddle with her, give her a massage, or whatever else, you’re only after one thing: SEX. You’ve reduced the intimacy in the relationship down to pre-sex activity instead of just being intimate and affectionate for the sake of being close to one another. This can create distance in a relationship and you definitely don’t want that. Be affectionate without hoping for anything more and let her know you’re not always after sex.
5. You roll over and go to sleep right after sex – You may have been together for a long, long time, but that doesn’t mean that you should just roll over and fall asleep the minute sex is over. Give her some cuddle time, rub her back, or at the very least fall asleep with her in your arms.
6. You’ve never asked her what she likes – I know talking about sex can be hard for many people. It means putting yourself in a vulnerable position, and most people aren’t comfortable doing that. However, if you don’t ask her what she likes and doesn’t you’re giving up the chance to become the best lover she’s ever had. If it’s really difficult for you, try asking her in the heat of the moment, “tell me what you like,” “do you like it like that?” or “show me.” Sometimes it’s easier to open the lines of communication through a little bit of naughty talk.
7. You never give her oral sex – Many women don’t orgasm from vaginal sex alone, so if you’re giving her a peck and calling it a night after sex, you might want to rethink your game. Start the evening by going down on her for a change.
8. You skip or skimp on the foreplay – I have gone over and over this, so instead of beating a dead horse I’ll just say, don’t skip the foreplay and don’t kiss her for 2 minutes and then think that’s enough. Enjoy yourself!
9. You always have sex in your favorite position – Does she enjoy your favorite position as much as you do or are you just assuming that it’s as good for her as it is for you? Let her take the lead next time.
Righting these mistakes will make you a better, more sensitive lover and definitely improve her experience in the bedroom.
By Gabrielle Moore
Gabrielle Moore helps couples around the world improve their sex lives. She communicates daily with her more than 300,000 subscribers. Gabrielle is the author of several best-selling books, such as “The Female Orgasm Revealed“, “Turn Her On Faster“, “Hot Licks“, and many others.
