If there’s one thing we know about life, it waits for no man.

Ready or not, it keeps going.

The trick to keeping up with it is to understand motivation.

In my new book, Psychology of Motivation, I describe that we, as humans, are naturally inclined to avoid perceived pain and pursue perceived pleasure at any given moment.

Woman and man talking

For example, say you are really good with the ladies. You know exactly how to chat them up and get them to fall for you. In this case, going out and socializing would seem incredibly exciting and pleasurable. On the other hand, say you always choked up and said something stupid when you started talking to a lady. They usually gave you a repulsed look, laughed at you and moved on. Socializing would probably not be high on your ‘to do’ list.

The location, type of people, external factors can all be the same, but what differentiates someone who is motivated, from someone who is not, depends on how they perceive those outside factors.

This gives you power

Perspectives are not set in stone, they are chosen. You might be holding onto one because of what your parents said to you, or a certain experience you had in school. However, just because you abide by a certain perspective does not mean you are stuck with it for the rest of your life.

With a little focus on self-development, you can take control of your perspectives, and thus control of your motivation.

Here are 3 steps to get you started:

1) Identify the pain youre avoiding and pleasure youre gaining in your current behaviour

Grab a sheet of paper and split into two columns. In one column, write down all the things you gain by acting in your current behaviour. In the other column, write down all the things you avoid by acting in your current behaviour. Be honest with yourself. Everything your write down are drivers that are motivating your current behaviour.

2) Choose a new behaviour

Determine a behaviour you prefer to have instead of the one you currently do. For example, you are not asking girls out and you want to start doing so.

3) Identify the pain you will avoid and pleasure you will gain from the new behaviour

On the opposite side of the sheet of paper from Step 1, once again split it into two columns. This time, write down all the things you will gain and avoid by acting on the new behaviour. If you’re stuck coming up with reasons, ask someone who’s really good at the new behaviour that you can learn from. In addition, leverage resources like books, videos and workshops that might help you. Ultimately, you want to reach a point where this side of the paper has reasons that are so compelling you are easily motivated by the new behaviour.

To learn more order your copy of Psychology of Motivation today.


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