Women, especially those in their late 20’s and 30’s place too much emphasis on finding a man, getting “the ring” and marriage when dating. We see our friends currently happily married and think that without marriage we aren’t complete in life. These pressures women feel, have also lead them to eliminate significant long-term partners if they are against marriage altogether. You must ask yourself, are you willing to sacrifice a healthy relationship just because he/she doesn’t want marriage? Would getting married really make your relationship any better then it already is? Did you really think his/her idea of marriage would change? These are the questions that women/men in their 30s need to find the answers to. Instead of making the decision to end the relationship, due to conflicting views on marriage, you must really consider the end result. Would you be happier alone or in a healthy relationship? In the end it’s your choice how you will approach the concept of marriage within your relationship.
Marrying and starting a family as soon as you can is no guarantee you’ll be happily ever after.
When we see common-law couples such as Goldie Hawn and Kurt Russell, in a happy committed relationship for over 20 years, we don’t feel so bad about being unmarried since they are living proof that marriage isn’t the key ingredient for having a life partner. As children, we have our idea of what true love is and perhaps have dreamt of our fairy tail wedding. Then we hit adulthood, we date, and realize that relationships aren’t that easy, even if that glass slipper seems to fit. In order to be truly happy and successful in a relationship, the emphasis should be placed on finding the right partner to share your life with and hopefully this partnership will be built on trust and respect and translates to a lifetime.
Marrying and starting a family as soon as you can is no guarantee of happiness. Arguably, you’re better prepared for a lasting relationship if you’ve given yourself time to mature as a single adult, and take your time deciding what you really want in life. Rachel Morris, a psychotherapist and author of The Single Parent’s Handbook, suggested that a commitment to life-long marriage was incompatible with modern society. In her book she states, “Nobody wants to settle. People realize that they grow and change every ten years. How are we supposed to promise someone that we will spend the rest of our lives loving them no matter who they become or who we become?” If this statement rings true, then it’s not so bad to take a break from the idea of marriage and enjoy just being in a relationship.
The ring is merely a promise of marriage, but in itself does not signify the quality of marriage or guarantee longevity. Similarly, marriage vows are just words, and a successful long-term relationship requires effort, compromise, dedication, and understanding from both parties. While no relationship (or marriage) is immune to obstacles or disappointments, the key is to do the hard work while dating and focus on finding the person that meets your relationship expectations. Be scrupulous, do not settle, and always follow your instincts. No ring or government issued marriage license will ever supersede the effort you put in finding the right partner today.
