When To Give "It" Up

Sex, (of any kind; fornication, fellatio, intercourse, cunnilingus, lovemaking, “doing the deed”, etc.) – is what it refers to in the title of this article.

If a long term relationship is what you seek, giving ‘it’ up at the right time is imperative. Sex and lust often complicate, intensify and confuse emotions, feelings and relationships. If you haven’t established a foundation based on respect and genuine like or love, then having sex prematurely could hinder that from ever developing.

The purpose of dating is to get to know a person. During that time, compatibility, intentions, and precedence are being distinguished. A foundation is being built. The more time you spend getting to know someone on an emotional and intellectual level (without the complication of sex), the stronger your foundation will become; compatibility will be determined, connections will intensify, and your potential-lovers’ intentions will become clearer. From this foundation, a relationship can be developed.

Let’s talk about sex: Once you develop a comfortable level of communication with your partner, have open conversations about sex. Discuss topics such as your view on sex and exclusivity, expectations and timelines, safe sex preferences, tests and results for STI’s and HIV, etc. Not only will this set the standard, the pace, and clarify intentions, but it will also remove any awkwardness of when to expect to take that next step (and when to schedule your next bikini or nether-region wax). If your relationship is not mature enough to have this type of conversation yet, then your relationship is not mature enough to introduce a sexual component. In which case, allow your relationship to mature with more time, as you dialogue openly.

Great things are worth waiting for: Your body is sacred and reserved for only you and those you choose to share it with. It should be considered a privilege for any man or woman to experience any part or all of you intimately. The person you choose to take that step with should be respectful and appreciative of this honor, as well as you should be of them.  Until you are sure you regard one another in this manner, you should refrain from any form of sexual relations with this person.

Third date rule – challenged: One cannot put a date or time on when to give it up. Neither you, nor your partner can predict when the aforementioned conversation topics will be discussed, and the respect will be built in order to determine when you both will be ready to take the next step, sexually. Despite the third or fifth or hundredth date rule, you and your partner can determine when your relationship is ready to take the next step (if you decide to take the next step) based on the pointers I’ve mentioned in this article, along with your overall comfort level, interest and investment in one another.

Men and women tend to view sex differently. It would be generalizing to say all men and all women think the same as the majority of their respective genders, however based on our biological and genetic makeup, socialization and culture; each gender is programmed to think of sex in a particular way. I will generalize for the purpose of this article and summarize the differences below:

Men decoded: During the initial stages of a relationship, some men perceive having sex as a self made goal or conquest. Once they’ve reached that goal or have ‘conquered’, to them, the challenge is over. (Not realizing that the challenge is not always to get something, but the real challenge is to keep what you’ve got! Excuse my digression.) The longer this type of man has to wait, the more effort he will put forth, which sets the precedence for the relationship to come, as well as builds respect and value for his partner based on his partners’ own self worth. Also, the longer he anticipates having sex, sexual tension increases, making the act even more enjoyable and intense for both him and his partner when/if it finally happens.

Women decoded: Most women perceive sex as an emotional expression. Although physiologically women enjoy it just as much as men do, it is not natural for most women to have sex without emotional attachment, if not initially then eventually. When this type of woman has sex prematurely, her feelings or emotions accelerate and she will expect more, sooner. Backpedalling from this situation for either person in this predicament is uncomfortable and unnecessary if both were to wait for a more opportune time.

Sex in itself is a luxury; a beautiful expression to be shared with the counterpart of your choosing. Take your time and choose wisely. The more time and effort you invest to ensure it is the right time to give it up to the right person, the more you gain eventually – sexually and emotionally.