I recently watched a dating show on TV where the guy was trying to balance the needs of his best friend who happens to be a girl and his girlfriend, juggling his female friendships with his romantic relationship. The girls didn’t like each other so, as you can guess, this just made things worse in terms of managing female friendships and a romantic relationship. He was being forced to decide between the two, a tough spot when both are considered close, perhaps even one of my best friends. Awkward…but necessary, especially when discussing boundaries with a girl friend or gf.

My Girlfriend Doesn’t Like That I Have A Female Friend

This is a common situation in the dynamics of new relationships and female friendships, often highlighting the importance of maintaining platonic female connections. A girl falls for a guy but not his friend(s) who are girls, a situation that tests the waters beyond platonic female friendships. I want to share some thoughts on how you can balance things when your girlfriend is not a fan of one of your friends, especially if that friend is a female best friend or someone you casually mention

First, assess your intentions in both your romantic and female friendships, to understand whether you want to date or maintain a platonic relationship

Have an open conversation involving a lot of listening on both parts. Ask questions like, “tell me specifically what it is that you don’t like about my friendship with X” to clarify expectations in your romantic relationship. Kindly insist that the answer needs to go a lot deeper than, “I just don’t like X”. We are essentially looking for any sort of opportunity for you, as the person in the middle, to mend the fence – especially if it was perhaps a misunderstanding.

Second, take time for yourself to review what it is this particular friendship offers you

Is it a great friend experience or something else, maybe pushing towards more than just wanting to hang? Is it the platonic bond with your female best friend that you value, contrasting with the romantic relationship you have with your girlfriend? Is it healthy, especially when considering the dynamics of wanting to hang one on one with a platonic female friend while in a relationship?

Does your friend of the opposite sex respect your girlfriend and understand the boundaries of your romantic relationship? Do you see yourself being friends with this person for a long time, perhaps even seeing them as a great friend or transitioning from being just facebook friends to something more substantial or even considering them as a fiancé?

What is it that she provides that your girlfriend doesn’t, outside of the romantic relationship sphere, perhaps something you only talk to my friend about? Could it be the platonic nature of your relationship with your female friend that’s in contrast to your romantic relationship? You need to conclude if this friendship with your female friend, who might also be considered a great friend, is valuable to you.

My Girlfriend Doesn't Want Me

Third, consider the dynamics of your female friendships

Talk with your girlfriend about how you want to respect both her needs and your own in this new relationship and that you’d like to find a way to meet in the middle. This is about an agreement, not a compromise where one person feels like they are giving in, evoking feelings of insecurity, especially in contexts where friends are women. Maybe all your girlfriend actually needs is for you to share with her like you share with your female best friend, indicating a desire to deepen your new relationship. This could be a wonderful opportunity to draw you even closer to your best friend who happens to be a girl or guy friend, particularly if you’ve been thinking.

Usually the basis for a girl not liking her guy’s opposite sex friends is a lack of trust so understand this is the deeper issue going on, possibly feeling insecure about the relationship. Either she doesn’t trust your friend or she doesn’t trust you. Either one definitely needs to be addressed for your relationship to realistically continue, particularly if your significant other is feeling like just another friend like figure or less.

Also, respect that you are now in a new relationship. What goes along with being in a healthy relationship is a new relationship, often navigated with the help of insight from one of my best friends. ‘shifting who you share with’. It means you do your best to now come to your girlfriend with stuff that’s on your mind, rather than confiding in your friends-who-are-girls. You wouldn’t want your girlfriend to be sharing on a deeper level with a male friend, right? This is because healthy boundaries with opposite sex friends, or when you want to hang one on one with a girl friend, are crucial.

And so

And, quite honestly, if the two girls don’t get along and there’s no hope of amends, you are just going to have to make a decision, considering the value of your girl best friend as one of my best friends. Sneaking around is not an option and trying to keep both sides happy even though they are not a fan of each other, especially if it involves secretive texting with a friend without being upfront, will be exhausting and lame.

This Post Has 3 Comments

  1. Cillly

    Trust and communication are the foundation of any healthy relationship.

  2. Torry

    While it’s understandable for your girlfriend to have concerns, it’s crucial to address them together in a respectful and understanding manner.

  3. Lina

    It’s important for partners to communicate openly and honestly about their feelings, especially when it comes to friendships outside of the relationship.

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