Singles across the country are trying anything to avoid vulnerability at the expense of finding real connection. They are trying to hedge the typical dating risks.
Vulnerability is an inherent part of the dating process, but many singles are using today’s modern dating landscape to hedge any risk of rejection – but is it really for the best?
The temptation singles feel to hedge their dating risk is understandable but doing so may actually harm your chances.
When you meet your date for the first time, you’re both a little nervous, a little worried. And that’s OK. It is absolutely necessary to be vulnerable in order to make a real connection. Be cautious, but don’t let fear get the best of you. The chemistry will flow better if you’re willing to put yourself out there!
Here are just a few ways modern daters are hedging risk:
1. Using dating pseudonyms
Especially when dating online, many singles are opting to use a pseudonym rather than their true identity. While this is primarily a means of protecting themselves, it could be giving a false sense of security.
Online dating sites are fostering a dating culture of people hiding behind falsified profiles and enhanced photos. I’ve seen some people create fake Facebook accounts so they can maintain their anonymity on Tinder. The reality is that when people aren’t willing to be themselves – to be vulnerable – it is impossible to have real chemistry.
2. The Tinder way
No more ‘does he like me?, doesn’t he like me?’ worrying with Tinder. With users only being matched up once they’ve both shown interest, singles avoid rejection.
But vulnerability is an important part of dating. Hiding behind an app to express interest eliminates the thrill of meeting someone new. Remember that you’re not the only one putting yourself out there, your date is too.
3. Googling before the date
It can be tempting to look up your date’s life story on Google, whether it’s to find out their employment history or to get some hints about their lifestyle. In this way they skip the curiosity (and sometimes nerves) that come along with meeting someone for the first time.
Remember that lasting connection comes from learning about each other together, firsthand. Not by making assumptions based on online search results.
4. One-term contract marriages
With more and more marriages ending in divorce, a new trend has emerged to help couples hedge risk: contract marriages. Couples sign fixed-term marriage contracts that allow them to essentially test the waters before opting to commit long term.
While a marriage contract might help you hedge some of the risk, eventually you have to be decisive about who you want to commit to otherwise your biggest risk is ending up alone indefinitely.
About the Author
Krystal Walter is a professional matchmaker and dating expert. She specializes in finding love and adventure for busy professionals and Canada’s most eligible singles.
